Friday, 24th November 2006

Good news! Well, good news if you are Catholic, married and have been tested positive with the HIV virus: the Pope is considering the possibility of allowing you to use a condom during sex with your spouse. Will not write further on the subject (can't stop an attack of eye rolling) except to applaud the TV news reader who kept a straight face while passing on this information.

Not being a "believer", I've always been midly amused by (and I would like to think tolerant of - but I'm as likely as the next person to be fooling myself) the variety of religious beliefs abounding as to the purpose of life and the codes of behaviour accompanying these beliefs. I did have a certain fondness for Jesus ("the Nazarene" I used to call him until a friend told me it sounded like a fizzy drink) who came across as a bit of a hippy, a cool dude who was pretty handy to have around at weddings. "Don't bother ordering any wine - just get in 45 vats of water and invite Jesus along." But when I was washing up the other morning, I heard a guy on the radio say, "We believe Our Lord Jesus Christ died for our sins" and what he had said, that sentence, hit me for the first time - you could say I had an epiphany - and I realised that he actually believed those words and, further, there were other people who believed those words - and not just one or two of them, either. I had to sit down and fan myself with the tea towel. Gob smacked, I was. Thunderstruck. Well, you know what epiphanies can do to you. What was I thinking before this momentous event? I suppose I thought the whole idea of someone dying for the sins of the world was a whimsical notion a bit like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy and that no one took it seriously.

I'm looking at Christians in a whole different light now. And, I tell you what - my money's on the Tooth Fairy.

I have to admit that the foregoing has been nothing but a distraction to avoid a matter of much greater import: the Aussies are doing well in the first Ashes test, dammit. They ended their first day of batting with a score of 3/346 and are crowing about it in a most ungentlemanly manner. I love living in Oz but nothing makes me feel more English than an Ashes test - it's an emotional time for me - as I was driving the van around Sydney this morning the radio played Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance March and I suprised my dog by singing Land of Hope and Glory with great gusto, tears in my eyes and all. Yes, I know it's all a load of bollocks, but there we are, at heart I'll always be a fair dinkum true blue bloody Pom!